Ardra Shephard: I'm Ardra Shephard and this is Tripping on Air, a place to talk shit about what it's like to have MS. Normally I like to make everything about me, but MS also affects the people we love. So weighing in from the partner perspective is Alex Hajjar, my friend whose wife also has MS. Join us monthly as we dish about everything from symptoms to stigma. If you have MS or you love someone who does, we want to connect with you. Party season is upon us and for those of us living with MS, fatigue, mobility issues, even managing sensory overload can sometimes make the festive season feel like more trouble than it's worth. If you're tempted to just stay home and sit things out, this episode is for you. We've got 12 tips and tricks to make sure your social life isn't a casualty of MS. Plus, you're going to want to share this episode with the party people in your life because we've got specific tips for what your friends and family can do to make sure you can all enjoy the holidays together. Alex, you're in a band. I assume you like to party. What's your holiday season vibe? Alex Hajjar: That's funny. I'm also 37 now, so while I like to make a room shake from the safety of a stage, I also enjoy a nice hot water bottle and a book, and a gin and tonic. But for parties, I really enjoy a nice warm apartment full of my pals with a cool balcony lined with fairy lights and absolutely no snow. Ardra Shephard: I feel like you're talking about my apartment. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, I am a little bit. It's very cozy. Ardra Shephard: It's very cozy. We do have a fairy light lit balcony and yeah, I like to have a party. I'm a party person too, but it can be tough. I mean, we don't control the snow or the weather unless we move somewhere without snow, but we're in Canada. Alex Hajjar: Hard to avoid. Ardra Shephard: So we have to roll the dice on that. Okay. I'm going to start with a first tip, which is not going to be something that most people think of right away, and this tip is for friends and family of people with MS, who like me might have some accessibility needs. I use a rollator or a cane to walk stairs are difficult. Bathrooms in this city, Toronto are a nightmare. Not every venue is accessible. It is a special kind of gift if you are organizing an event and you pick the venue and do the accessibility homework for the person who needs access, if that makes sense. I feel like a lot of us are tasked with having to pick the venue and it's kind of a drag to always be the one who has to figure that out. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, completely. I think there are some venues that are really great. I mean, speaking about going out on a night out to a concert, if you want to go see a friend's concert, there are some venues, like the Cameron House actually does have a ramp from the front room to the back room, so that's super helpful. There's still a step up to get into the building for no reason, but I mean, once you're in, it's okay. And there's a place on Dundas called The Baby G, which I saw someone in a really super cool motorized wheelchair there last week and they were having the time of their life. Ardra Shephard: That's amazing. Anytime I'm at a venue that has just one step to get in, I always make a point of telling them about stopgap. Stopgap.ca, that's an organization that makes these custom ramps that can make an otherwise inaccessible venue so easily accessible here in Toronto. I mean, you see those colorful ramps all over the place. Anyway, all that to say it's really nice to not have to be the one who's always saying... It's a chore to do the homework and find those things out. It's like a nice treat for me if someone does that for me. Because it's kind of a burden to pick the place. You want everybody to be happy, right? Alex Hajjar: Well, yeah, and I feel like it's not your "fault" maybe, but also feels like sometimes I guess you get that guilt of having to say no when you know that venue is not the right venue to get into or whatever. I also think some of the staff at restaurants should maybe be trained a little bit better. We went out the other night for dinner and the first thing someone said when we walked in, you know Nicole uses a mobility aid, and the first thing was like, "Are you okay with the high top table?" I'm like, does it look like we would be though? I don't know. I feel like it'd be obvious to see this at a regular seated table. And it was empty. So I feel like training is better. Ardra Shephard: And maybe it could also just be like, "What table do you prefer?" Alex Hajjar: Yeah, that's a good question. Yeah. Ardra Shephard: Tip number two. This tip is for trippers, and it is pre-rest. I used to get ready at the last minute. I think it's kind of normal, if you have to be out the door, to sort of shower, put on your makeup, get ready and leave. I never do that anymore. I always give myself an hour between when I'm dressed and ready and when I have to get out the door if it's going to be a big night. And I think my tip for the people who live with people who need that time is to protect that time. Don't ask them to do anything during that hour if you have kids or your partner or whatever. Just treat that time as sacred. It helps for me to do that. Alex Hajjar: So my question as a partner would be if your person is a... Let me put it this way. I'm the kind of person who's like, "Are you ready? Are you ready?" But my question is, what is a good question to maybe motivate your person to go ahead and do that thing if they're not doing it now to get ready so that they do have time to rest before you exit the door? Ardra Shephard: How do you tell Nicole get ready and then rest for an hour? Alex Hajjar: Yeah, not hurry up, but like you said, get ready before you have to go, so you can protect that hour of time. Ardra Shephard: Yeah. Well, why don't you maybe say, "Get ready and then take an hour to rest. Take that hour." Alex Hajjar: Just say it outright. Ardra Shephard: Just say it, yeah. And then don't ask her to do anything. And I mean, also maybe don't ask her, "Are you ready?" She'll probably just tell you when she's ready. Are you usually the one that's ready and tapping your watch or is it Nicole? Alex Hajjar: No, it's me. I'm the one. Ardra Shephard: It's you. Alex Hajjar: I'm super impatient to be honest. Yeah. Ardra Shephard: You got to respect the MS time zone, yo. Alex Hajjar: I know, and that's why I'm asking. You have to communicate, which I think we're going to talk about later anyways. But the communication is key and I don't want to put any pressure on the situation because that's not helpful. Ardra Shephard: I just find getting ready can be so exhausting that when I do wait till the last minute, by the time I get in the Uber, I kind of want to cry because I'm just spent. But MS is really, that energy comes in waves and rest really does buy us extra time. I just feel like everyone's going to have a better night and a better time if I can pre-rest. It's like pre-drinking but without the drinking. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, good advice. Ardra Shephard: All right, the next tip, be flexible, and this is basically for everyone. I mean, that's the thing about MS. I can't predict when I'm suddenly going to be feeling terrible and need to bail. And holidays are not. Who doesn't love found time? I feel like if somebody bails on me at the last minute, I'm always a little bit glad. We're all so overscheduled and over crammed in with itineraries. It's kind of nice just to have found time. Yes, no? What do you think? Alex Hajjar: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's like finding five bucks in your pocket. That's free time. So that's pretty sweet. I just think that, yeah, maybe this leads into the next point. But sometimes I feel not good about going out. If Nicole is like, "I really don't feel like going out now," last minute. And I'm like, "Oh, but we had all these plans and it'll be fun and this and that." But yeah, I feel like do you have to ask for permission? Ardra Shephard: I think this is something that you have to negotiate with your partner. So my tip about being flexible in terms of the person that's getting bailed on would be, be chill about it. Don't make the person who's canceling feel any crappier than they already feel. My tip for the person who's bailing, the person theoretically with MS, would be give the person you're bailing on permission to go ahead and do whatever that thing is without you. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, so it's more guilt-free, so to speak. Ardra Shephard: Yeah, which leads right into tip number four, which is to let go of the guilt. I feel like if a party is lit, then it's not going to matter, it's not going to make it or break it if I'm there or not. And it can definitely feel that way. MS isn't my fault, but I still sometimes feel guilty or responsible how it can F up everyone's plans. I am going through that today with a dinner plan that had to be canceled. I'm sure my friends and family don't want me to feel guilty, but I don't want my friends and family to feel guilty also about doing stuff without me. So I don't know. It's a wasted emotion, right? Alex Hajjar: It is. It's a bit of wasted time. And I think it is about the... I don't know, the permission is an interesting word there. Because it's a good thing, but it feels like there's almost a restriction due to the permission itself, so it's a bit of a quandary. But yeah, I think if you are the person who's going out, maybe you feel guilty for leaving your person at home and not being with them while they don't feel so hot. And I've heard from Nicole and from friends of ours and stuff like that, they feel guilty because they can't go out, or they feel guilty because they're keeping you, they're "keeping you" at home. But I think letting go of that guilt is really the key in that situation. Go out, have a good time. One person goes out, has a great time, the other person stays at home and binges a Netflix show and just spends that time with themselves and their cats or whatever. Ardra Shephard: I think it's got to be 50/50 if you're talking about partners. Go out and have a great time without me, but also stay home and be cozy with me 50% of the time also. And maybe don't tell me you had the time in your life while I was netflixing and chilling on my own. Alex Hajjar: That's totally fair. I think, yeah, it's definitely a dynamic that both partners have to balance, and part of that is communication. But the guilt part is sort of the ugly part you can I think, leave at the door. But spending time with each other is important as well. So I'm willing myself, I'm willing to dip on a few things, parties or whatever where I can just sit home and also watch Netflix because maybe I didn't want to actually go in the first place too. Sometimes that's a thing. Ardra Shephard: There's always that. Your wife having MS is always your get out of jail card free. If you are staying home with massive FOMO and feeling like a sucky baby, I don't want you to hang out with me anyway. Just go. You know? Alex Hajjar: Yeah. Yeah. That's also not a good vibe to have in the house. Ardra Shephard: It's not a good vibe. No. Tip number five, lower your expectations. I think maybe that sounds like a downer, but it's maybe more about having realistic expectations. So if I really have to rally, if I'm really tired, then if the expectation that I can realistically commit to is I will go to this party for 15 minutes, usually the energy somehow shows up. But there is this kind of security blanket safety feeling in having an escape plan, if that makes sense. Alex Hajjar: Yeah. So this is kind of a funny thing because I feel like in my, let's say cultural experience, this probably happens with everybody, but when you leave somebody's house, you're saying goodbye, but you say goodbye for like 20 minutes. So I feel like maybe that's the mentality. You can go in the door and immediately start saying goodbye, and then it'll take that 15 minutes. And if you're not done, you can stick around for coffee. Ardra Shephard: I love that. And can you please pass that along to my husband who is famous for starting a new conversation after you've said goodbye six times. He'll bring something else up. I just start walking to the car. I assume he'll catch up. Alex Hajjar: Is he Italian? Because that's something that my grandparents have always been classic for. They just stay at the door. It's also freezing, like one person's at the door freezing, the other person's well inside, and they're the ones continuing this conversation. Ardra Shephard: This is where the Irish get it right. Irish exit. Right? No, goodbye. I'll text you from the car. Alex Hajjar: Right. Yeah, that's very smart actually. Ardra Shephard: Somebody commented on my Instagram recently because I was posting about my trip to Milan and they described their travel style as slow travel. And I've been thinking about this concept a lot in terms of how we set our expectations. I'm going to New York City next week, and I think it is important to set those expectations so that you're not as disappointed and the things you get to do that are extra feel more like bonus instead of pressure. Alex Hajjar: Right. Okay. I like that though. Ardra Shephard: So slow travel, slow partying. We don't have to do it all to have a good time. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, everything's a cherry on top when you have lower expectations, I feel. Ardra Shephard: Tip number six touches a little bit on what we were talking about before of bailing and plans changing, and that is to have a cozy plan B kind of constellation prize. And this can work with your partner or by yourself or with your friends or whatever. But we're talking about the holidays, the holiday season in particular here, so I don't know what your cozy plan B is, but I feel like a holiday movie, some music, pajamas, really good snacks, something low-key that's like you can still feel festive, you can still feel like the holidays, but you don't have to brush your hair or put on a bra. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, I think anything cozy or, I think, what's the Danish word, hygge, if you get that vibe right, that would be my perfect plan B. Like I said, a hot water bottle and a nice book. That's what we do best. Maybe tea or a hot tamale. I don't know many alcoholic drinks. Ardra Shephard: A hot toddy. Alex Hajjar: Oh, that's it. Ardra Shephard: I feel like a hot tamale, that's like a hot pepper, right? Alex Hajjar: That's what I thought. Yeah, so it's a hot toddy. Ardra Shephard: It's a different party. Alex Hajjar: I got wrong. Put on some nice slow music. If you're like my mother-in-law, you have 400 Hallmark Christmas movies loaded up on your PVR and that's your plan B for every day. Ardra Shephard: Yeah, that almost feels like a plan A. Alex Hajjar: Well, when there's that many, I could agree with you, yeah. Ardra Shephard: Do you have a favorite holiday movie, Alex? Alex Hajjar: So I don't know if I've said this before, but Love, Actually is my number one favorite movie actually, but it happens to also be a Christmas movie. Ardra Shephard: I am an Elf girl. I like Elf. Alex Hajjar: Oh, that is a good movie. Ardra Shephard: It's so good. Alex Hajjar: And The Muppets Christmas, actually, we try to watch that every year. Ardra Shephard: I don't think I've seen that one, so maybe I'll put that on the list for this year. Alex Hajjar: Oh really? Ardra Shephard: Yeah. Alex Hajjar: You're missing out. It's hilarious. Ardra Shephard: And Christmas snack. What's your favorite Christmas snack or holiday snack? Alex Hajjar: I actually really like some festive bark. Ardra Shephard: Really? Alex Hajjar: Yeah. Yeah. I'm kind of a bark guy, but like a white chocolate with almonds and those really annoying candy cane pieces crushed in the middle. I think that's a great snack for the holidays. Ardra Shephard: That is my... Alex Hajjar: Really? Ardra Shephard: Well, I don't make it with almonds, I make it with white chocolate and dark chocolate and crushed candy canes. Alex Hajjar: Nice. Is that your favorite snack? Ardra Shephard: I love my mom's fruitcake. And unfortunately... Alex Hajjar: Oh. Ardra Shephard: I know, everyone's so down on fruitcake, but it's like, no. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, but it's full of alcohol. Ardra Shephard: Yeah, my mom puts enough rum in it that you can definitely... You don't want to give it to kids. Alex Hajjar: Nicole makes it, but we don't use... Does your mom use candied fruit? We use real fruit. Ardra Shephard: No, no, she uses candied fruit. This thing would survive a nuclear... Yeah, it doesn't perish. Alex Hajjar: All right, we'll have to try that recipe, maybe. Ardra Shephard: No, I'm not sharing that. You could make it, but it'll cost you like a hundred bucks in supplies. It's a lot. Alex Hajjar: It's like 90 bucks of rum and $10 of actual ingredients. Ardra Shephard: It's very, very special and it's the only time of year you can eat it. Alex Hajjar: Where are they now? I'm going to have to fly out and get a piece. Ardra Shephard: Nova Scotia. Yeah, we're flying down, so yeah, I got to make room in my carry on. Alex Hajjar: Bring some back. Ardra Shephard: I would like to. All right, tip number seven. This one's super important. Unfortunately I feel like it's also controversial. Avoid the mistletoe. If you ask me, there is too much kissing at Christmas. Alex Hajjar: Yep. I guess. I don't know. It's just funny, I see mistletoe, but I've never gotten a lot of love under them, but I guess you could say that. Ardra Shephard: It just seems like a creeper kind of vibe, just actually hanging out there. What I'm really trying to say is if you're sick, stay home or at least tell me you are sick. This is your annual reminder that infections can cause pseudo relapses, and that up to a third of actual MS relapses are precipitated by colds, flus and infections. It's really important. Alex Hajjar: Yeah. I think I'm going to maybe say the controversial part. No offense to anybody, but if your kid or kids are sick, you may want to stay home and warm the bench and use that plan B until they're better. A healthy parent doesn't always equal healthy children, and watching charming. But sniffly toddlers touch everything in the house at a party. It's worrying at best and terrifying at worse for all the reasons that you described. Kids are super vectors. And don't be mad if I end up leaving after seeing your kids' runny nose and not wanting to deal with three weeks of a bedridden spouse because it's just something they picked up at school. It can be detrimental and I think that's... Ardra Shephard: It's really, really hard, and that's the part where if you're not going to bail, just give me a heads-up because I don't want to put myself in that situation. Alex Hajjar: I think a warning is better than literally getting sick, or just being afraid of a child or a person who has the sniffles. Ardra Shephard: Yeah, it's a terrifying anxiety for me to overcome. Yeah, for sure. Tip number eight, this one I like. It's called cut corners. I like to entertain, but I feel like in order to do that, it might mean shoving shit in a closet or under the bed. Outsource as much as you can, whatever you can afford to do, whether that's cleaning, catering, if you need to pay your nephew to fill out your holiday cards. Alex Hajjar: That's a smart idea. Ardra Shephard: You don't have to... Right? Alex Hajjar: Sorry. I'm just thinking of how cheap I can get this labor for my Christmas cards for my nephew to do. Ardra Shephard: It's a real shame to avoid getting together with people or having people over because there are dishes in the sink or dust bunnies under the couch. I feel like my gift to you is that my apartment is never that clean so that you can feel better about your own mess, or smugly superior in your case, Alex, because I feel like you're kind of a neat freak. Alex Hajjar: So I am a bit of a neat freak, but I don't think I can hold the moral high ground anymore. We hired a cleaner, which is actually, I think it's a bit of an achievement, because it's something I'm quite grateful that we can do because not everybody can. But she came yesterday and I feel like our place is actually bigger. And she found so much dust. I thought it was pretty tidy, but she found an embarrassing amount of dust and it was great. So if you can hire even just a cleaner just to clean your place before your friends show up if that's what you need, or again, hire your nephew or whatever, or niece, just do it, because it's such a relief. Even for me as a partner, not having to disorganizedly shove things under the carpet or couch to keep things neat, it's an absolute weight off your shoulders. It's really great. Ardra Shephard: I'm so glad to hear that you did this, Alex. It's great. I think when we talk about division of labor in a marriage and in modern families, you've got both partners usually working, it's so much to run a household. I kind of can't believe that we have to prepare three meals a day. It's like, oh my god, we have to eat again. It's so much work. It's a lot it. And so you don't even have to commit to having a cleaner once a week. Once a season even, if that's what's in your budget, just to do a really deep clean, I think can be something that can really help, and at the holidays can help you spend your energy and resources in better ways. I think not a lot of us need more stuff, more presents. We need time together and experiences and if that can help you facilitate that, I think it's awesome. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, less dust and cleaner windows. That is a real gift. I'll be honest. And that is a good gift. I think we've actually discussed this. Ardra Shephard: Totally. Alex Hajjar: It is a primo gift, I think, for anyone who's doing any cleaning. A gift of having someone come in and do that for you is, like I said, a weight off your shoulders. Ardra Shephard: Yeah, the holiday gift guide is coming up, but the things that are perennially on that list, if you are looking for something to buy for your loved one who has MS or chronic illness, cleaning and blow dries, that's it. That's all I ever need. Alex Hajjar: Blow dries, like your hair? Ardra Shephard: Yes. Like salon blow dries. Trust. Alex Hajjar: I have not known that pleasure in many years, so thank you for reminding me of that though. Ardra Shephard: All right, tip number nine. We are blowing through these. Tip number nine is communicate at a neutral time. And what I mean by that is negotiating party season and the holidays, it is going to mean some compromise and some planning ahead, and it's always a good idea to communicate what you need and expect from the people who support you, who are in your life, at a neutral time. And the same goes for the people who don't have MS who you can communicate your expectations or concerns or however you want to plan, at a neutral time. It's never a good idea to be on the cusp of an event or on your way out the door when having these conversations. How do you and Nicole communicate what she needs or what you need? What strategies do you guys have? Alex Hajjar: For a while we were employing this strategy of not talking to each other in the mornings. So we'd literally try to maintain as much silence. I'm definitely not a morning person. I'm more of what you would call a bear in the morning. Anytime you ask me anything first thing in the morning, it's going to be a no or it's going to incur some sort of unpleasant aggression because I just don't... People who are not morning people get what I'm saying. Ardra Shephard: I am fully on board for this. When Cary asks me every morning how I slept, I'm not ready. I'm not ready to not be hostile. And also you're assuming that I slept. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, right. Yeah, there you go. Which actually, ironically last night I slept for nine... We both slept for nine hours, which I haven't done since I was in my early twenties, so that was a weirdly ironic thing that happened. But yeah, so this actually, I'll say it's a technique, but it's not really a technique I guess. It's just something I learned. It's from Arabic culture, so the morning is called [foreign language 00:26:52]. That's what the morning is. It's more of a way of life where you wake up, you have your coffee or tea or whatever and your breakfast, but just maintain complete... It's almost a form of meditation where you just maintain complete silence. And I literally cannot make decisions before 10 o'clock in the morning. And so that really fits our vibe and I think that's how we do it. Ardra Shephard: I like that. That's like keep your hateful thoughts to yourself before 10:00. Alex Hajjar: There's a lot of internal brain chemistry that's completely negative and for me it just happens all in the morning. So don't ask me because I'm trying to sort that out before I have to actually discuss things with people. Ardra Shephard: I like that a lot. So it's like 10:00, it's like a morning routine. Alex Hajjar: Precisely. Ardra Shephard: You just do your thing. Okay, that's cool. In terms of when you actually communicate though, for me, I feel like I have a list of things that I need help with, and a lot of it kind of falls on the weekend when there's that free time. And so for me, I feel like putting it in writing, maybe in an email, is a way for things to not get forgotten. Lists can be long. It's also a way for me to not feel like I'm just constantly asking for things and nagging about things. So that's a system that works for us. Just kind of make a list. Put it in writing. Alex Hajjar: Oh, lists are critical. Yeah, I love that. We have pre-made pads for our grocery lists, and so it just takes away the whole thing of trying to think of what to buy. You just automatically mark it down. Yeah, and I mean, I can't see how that wouldn't work for daily chores and stuff, so that's a good idea. Ardra Shephard: Tip number 10. Drink water, stick to your diet, exercise and sleep routines. Don't let yourself get dehydrated because you're not sure where the bathroom is going to be when you're going out. This is so common for people with MS and it just makes existing symptoms worse. We all know how delicate the ecosystem is. There's so much temptation around the holidays to drink more booze, to eat different foods, to stay up late. And I think it's just, as much as you can, stick to your habits. One glass of water for every glass of wine. Eat before you go if you're worried about filling up on junk and other stuff. I don't know. What do you think about that, Alex? Alex Hajjar: No, I think that's a good policy regardless. I mean, I went out for a walk yesterday with a buddy and we went for a couple pints after, and I didn't drink any water in between, and my head was swimming a bit. But I do try and do that when I go out now is have a glass of water at the ready with each drink. Because besides the bathroom ordeal that can be even for myself, I'm kind of like, it just keeps my head level because now I'm getting up there in the years and alcohol is treating me differently. It's not as easy to bounce back either. And so the next day when I have to get up and actually be human again, that water really comes in handy. Ardra Shephard: Do you ever have any of those mornings where everyone you were out with really went too far, but you didn't, you wake up and you're just so thankful to not have a hangover? Alex Hajjar: I feel like that's my grownup feeling when everybody's like, "Oh, I'm really feeling it. Oh, I got kicked in the teeth last night," things like that. And I'm like, "I'm going shopping and then I'm going to cut the grass and then I'm going to put the chairs away from outside." But that's when I feel like an adult. But it's an accomplishment. It's good. I feel good. Ardra Shephard: But it's when you thank the you of last night. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, yeah. You thank past Ardra for that or past Alex for that. Ardra Shephard: This leads right into tip number 11, which is going to sound like a direct contradiction to everything we just said. And that is support my bad decisions and do not judge. Because realistically, we're not going to be perfect all the time. We are going to cut loose from time to time and we don't need to hear any shit about it. I feel like so many people with MS are being scrutinized all the time, whether it's by doctors or family and friends, over everything they eat, how much they drink, how much they weigh, everything that goes into their mouths, how much they exercise. We are human and we also deserve to enjoy things. And sometimes we're not going to make the best decisions and just, I don't know, support us in those bad decisions. Alex Hajjar: Yeah. Or even if you're not supporting, don't judge, and keep your comments to yourself. If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it kind of vibe. Ardra Shephard: But you still see that side eye, right? Alex Hajjar: Look, we all have vices. And even if they're gotten away from it 90% and sometimes I hit that vice again, just don't judge me. People make mistakes and I'm just trying to have a good time. Ardra Shephard: This is what I love about... I can think of the handful of people that I am closest to who I know if I want to have an extra glass of wine that they will say, "We will get you to the car, we will get you to bed, we will help you." And that sounds like I'm fall down drunk, but really when you have MS, sometimes it can feel like you're already one or two drinks ahead. It does affect things that are already a problem, like balance. So it's maybe not always the greatest choice to indulge a little bit, but I appreciate the people who support me through those questionable decisions. Alex Hajjar: And we're moving to the holiday season. I feel like anytime you're trying to have a good time and imbibing, that's a little tiny holiday. Ardra Shephard: Totally. Alex Hajjar: So let's just all enjoy our holiday and get off my back. Ardra Shephard: Yep. But be safe. We don't want anyone falling and breaking anything. So drink at home. We are at the last tip, and this is maybe one of the most important also, and that is to understand your pact with Satan. If you do party too hard or overindulge, you are going to have to pay what I like to call the MS tax. And I think the plan to mitigate that is to just know it's coming. So the same way you put your event, your party or whatever into the calendar and even your pre-resting, you have to put that downtime into your calendar. And when you know it's coming, you don't feel bad about it, you don't feel guilty about it. You know it's the price that you paid. Rest is productive. Schedule it. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, it sounds like a savings account for your rest. I think anybody, even partners need that too. You do need to consider like, oh, I'm doing X, Y and Z. I'm going to be exerting X amount of energy or whatever. I need to consider time to take that time for myself to catch up fully. So yeah, that's I think a good idea. But a pact with Satan is great. I need to write that down. Ardra Shephard: I mean, yeah, he's definitely the one that comes around to collect the MS tax. Right? Alex Hajjar: True. But I feel like he also is the patron saint of Good times. Ardra Shephard: True. Alex Hajjar: Right? Ardra Shephard: True. Alex Hajjar: If I'm being honest. Sorry. Ardra Shephard: Yeah. Okay. I can't disagree with that. Are you getting ready? Are you getting excited for the holidays? Alex Hajjar: Yeah, so I'm kind of really busy this holiday season. The band that I play in just came out with a new album yesterday. It's on all the streaming sites. I'm going to do a shameless plug. The band's called Howlin'. Ardra Shephard: Yeah, well tell us. I was going to say, tell us what it is. Alex Hajjar: Yeah, I'll go into it. It's a shameless plug here, people. So the band is called Howlin' Circus and the album's called Creature and it's on all the streaming platforms and you can buy it on vinyl if you're into that sort of thing. And it's really, really great. And I play bass in the band and we're going on tour around Ontario and we're doing one show in Montreal and it's all happening in November. And then we play in Toronto at the Cameron House on December the ninth. And then I think five days after that we're going to the Dominican Republic for a nice drop and flop. Ardra Shephard: I love it. And circling back, the Cameron House is an accessible venue, right? Alex Hajjar: Yeah. So there is a ramp. I'm not sure how wide the hallway is with that ramp, but there is a ramp from the front room to the back room. So it is easier to ambulate than other venues that I've been to, I'll say that. Ardra Shephard: Okay. And what's the bathroom situation? Alex Hajjar: The bathrooms are on the ground floor. They're not in the basement, which is typical of Toronto venues. Ardra Shephard: Okay, well you might see me at Alex's gig on December 9th at Cameron House. In the meantime, living well with MS includes investing in our relationships and social capital. The holidays are a great time to make memories and spend time with loved ones, but the pressure to make every moment magical can set us up for frustration and feelings of failure. I can't be awesome all the time or even most of the time. And if I don't make it to every invitation, it's okay. Because here's the thing about the holidays. They happen literally every year. We hope this party planning episode got you feeling festive because the Tripping on Air Annual Gift Guide drops November 24th, just two weeks from now, and you are not going to want to miss it. Do you have a life hack for partying with MS? Drop it in the comments and we want to hear from you. Thanks for tuning in, trippers. Thanks for listening to Tripping on Air. Don't forget to visit us at trippingonair.com.