What’s the worst thing about falls?
Since the launch of memoir Fallosophy (March, 2025), I’ve fallen three times. Not metaphorically. Literally. On the ground. Boom.
My first fall happened just a few hours before the Fallosophy launch party. Because of course it did. Ard-dramatically. While getting ready for my big night I tripped on air then landed face first (then bicep, then shoulder somehow) into the front hall closet.
Nothing to see here
While I’ve been known to cause myself a fracture or two (okay, three), most of my falls (so far) haven’t been catastrophic. I’m fine. If you don’t count the bruises to my enormous ego, which, obviously, I do.
The reaction to falls can sometimes suck as much as falls themselves. I once tumbled out of an Uber and yelled, “I’M FINE!” with big don’t-look-at-me energy because I didn’t fall hard enough to knock myself unconscious. Fully alert to gawking strangers rushing to help, I wanted to crawl under the car and stay there just to avoid the embarassement.
Why are falls so humiliating?
The cultural narrative around falls is thus:
Waterfalls: good (Instagram gold, nature is pretty)
Falling in love: probably okay (you lost your mind, but endorphins + it’s temporary)
Falling for a scam: definitely bad (you’re naive, stupid and/or old)
Falling down: obviously the worst (you’re drunk and/or clumsy, incompetent, frail, you also fall for scams)
A feature of falls is loss of control, and in a culture that prizes poise and composure, falls lack dignity. Repeated falls can be interpreted as proof that the faller in question isn’t fit to look after themselves.
Falls are startling. Suddenly you crash to the ground and the room goes silent. It’s called making a scene. You can’t expect the masses to take this kind of spectacle in stride. No. Falls demand a reaction, of which there are only two options: pity or laughter. Either way, the faller (usually me) experiences a loss of status both physically and metaphorically.
Falling literally puts you in a vulnerable position, on the ground, looking up the noses and skirts of the un-messy gravity-respecting adults around you. Falls can be demoralizing. Cue humiliation.
So, when are falls funny?
The element of surprise can make falls seem funny. A sudden rupture in the status quo can provoke laughter, at least until empathy kicks in. In 2020, The New York Post ran a story with the headline: Man Knocked Unconscious By Falling Cat While Walking Dog, and you don’t need to see the footage to know that shit’s hilarious.
Falls remind us that bodies are absurd. When someone’s legs suddenly fly out from under them it exposes the uncomfortable reality that we’re all one banana peel away from the grave. And when someone pops up unharmed, the relief of averting disaster can trigger laughter. Which is probably why most of my falls no longer generate laughs. Even a rando can tell there’s a real chance I might be hurt. Lately, when I hit the ground, I’m more likely to say, “Just let me lay here a while”, than to ask for help. When my third post-Fallosophy fall happened this past Monday I asked The Banker to bring me a pillow.
Fallosophy comes out and I have three falls in less than three months. Am I manifesting this shit?
While everyone else is trying to make sense of how I ended up on the ground, I am also trying to CSI how each of my falls is my fault.
My most recent tumble happened while I was using one cane instead of my usual two because I was carrying a copy of my book, Fallosophy, and needed a hand free. So yeah, I might be bringing some method acting to my book tour.
I feel like a fuck-up when I fall
Three falls in 70 days is a lot, even for someone who has made a career out of making friends with the floor. Every time I fall I tell myself I can prevent future falls by deciding not to fall. But that’s not how falling works.
I’m not here to defend myself, not entirely. Maybe I’ve been on the receiving end of some overreactions, but the people who worry about me have a point. I need to figure out how to, if not stop falling completely (let’s be real), fall better, fall less.
Remember: you can always make things worse
Years of living with MS have taught me that an uptick in falls might mean I’m (over)due for an upgrade to my mobility aid situation. My PT, Paula, tried to break it to me gently: I’m sorry to say but I don’t think you can get by with one cane anymore. No duh. I don’t object or disagree, but I resent that I have to figure out a new way to transport my coffee.
I get knocked down
Sometimes it’s not the fall that’s the hardest part–it’s the getting back up. This probably applies to life in general, but for now let’s focus on the literal. Accepting that falls are part of my reality means planning ahead. PT Paula has added getting-up-off-the-floor practice to my physiotherapy sessions. I’m working on perfecting a backwards, bum-up routine that gives me a reason to lift weights because for all three of my recent falls I was not able to get up on my own. fml
Knowing I may fall on any given day now informs my morning routine. My standard Zoom look (business on top, unkempt recluse from the waist down) no longer feels safe when there’s a chance the fire department might have to swing by and save me. I’ve cultivated enough anxiety about my hypothetical rescue to prioritize brushing my hair. I put deodorant on EVERY DAY whether I think I need to or not. If I’m feeling particularly unsteady I’ll add a spritz of perfume and run the robot vacuum. Nobody wants to be rescued in the sweaty t-shirt they slept in.
We all fall down
If, like me, you too are a falls risk, remember that mobility isn’t a pre-requisite for dignity. Balance isn’t a moral achievement. Falling isn’t failure. Falling proves we’re still moving, negotiating gravity in a body that failed physics. We get back up. We do the best we can.
Stay upright, Trippers. And if you can’t, may your step-stool be near and your bra already on.
If you’re still reading, you get it, and I’d love nothing more than to meet you IRL next weekend!
Upcoming Book Tour Events:
Saturday May 24th 12-3 I’ll be signing books at Indigo at Yorkdale Mall (Toronto)
Sunday May 25th In-person and virtual! I’ll be at TYPE Books (Junction location) signing books and spilling secrets as part of the Junction Reads Festival!
Click here to register if you wish to attend virtually.
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When I was first diagnosed, I announced to those who would listen, ‘I refuse to fall’. Haha! I know that MS has a mind of its own, but so far so good!
Loved your book, btw!
Ways to fall less!
Ways to resist falling!
I like to be good at things and thought I had the falling thing down after a few tumbles that were quite graceful. They were in public and I arose like a Phoenix, my dignity intact. But two weeks ago in the house I crashed to the floor and smashed my lower back into the corner of a metal box. It came out of nowhere. Just complete collapse. Tried to cope with the pain for a week but nothing was hitting it so went to A&E and had an X-ray which confirmed significant rib damage. Am now using two sticks which I never did before and am reflecting on this very sobering experience. I will get my confidence back but am licking my wounds in private as I come to terms with this new situation. MS ain’t for wimps
I had my worst fall ever three weeks ago. Thought I could make it two steps to a wall where I could get more support. Tripped in my dragging foot, face planted into the wall and fell. Major bloody nose and no way I could get up on my own. I had to sit there and call for help till someone came and called the paramedics. Other than a very bloody nose and black eyes I was physically okay. The fear that puts into you is the problem. I’m trying to navigate being as safe as I can with a still being brave enough to go out in the world.
It helps me and probably everyone with MS to read what you are going through and all your quips about the events that never really leave us. Yes, I’m older and only 7 years into this stupid disease but it isn’t my age that has robbed me of my balance, memory and active life style. Would like to wear nice shoes with heals and a great dress… Garden and shower without fear of falling. Hug my grandkids. ETC.
Thank you for your reality and humor. No, it’s not funny but it helps keeping upbeat!
I fall all the time or trip. I trip a lot. My forearms take amount of the blows into door frames, counters, walls, the list goes on and on. Random bruises on them, legs, thighs, knees, another long list.
Have had a few major falls, but no stitches or fractures yet…sprained, bloody, and bruised.
I have gone from walking normally to adding a dictus band, then a cane, switched to an Activator pole, and now have added a knee brace.
When I look to see why I might have fallen or tripped it’s either not paying attention, carrying too much in my hands (me telling myself, this isn’t a good choice), no shoes on (can’t walk without now), or the ground just jumped out and tripped me.
The scariest thing is, you know you are going down and you don’t know how bad it’s going to be. I tend to tuck and role..lol protect the face is all I think about and go for the grass if I can. It’s the panic of the people around that embarrass me. They don’t know what to do, they are shocked as one min I’m standing and the next I am on the floor. Once was at work 😒
This article makes me feel like I am not alone. That I am not the only one falling. That there is a group of Fall Risks just like me. That it can take a lot of things from us but not our humour.
Hi Ardra
Thank you for reaching out to me again and sending your emails. I’ve really missed you.
My daughter recommended me buying her latest “walking again shoes” called Cadence.
She didn’t know if it would be of help with her MS. She recently told me she loves these shoes. Look it up. It looks amazing for MS walking issues!!!! Much love my friend….. as always, “YOU” are amazing!!
I am all over Cadense! I have two pairs!
Great post! And I’m speaking as a witness to that latest fall. I can’t believe how you were able to rally so quickly for the launch.
I was an extremely in shape athlete BMS ( before MS). My MS is frustrating ans very uncooperative. I have had many falls before I started using a rollatorr. I have my Uptown trolley (upstairs) and downtown trolley (downstairs). Even with it, I fell once. I have had to train myself to go slow. I am 60 & 15 years in so not a newby. According to many Dr.’s and professionals, 2 cane’s should never be used. The safer option is a rollator. If you think you need one, you definitely needed one awhile ago. I have 3. 2, 3 wheeled ones for upstairs and downstairs and small spaces then a 4 wheel rollatore/transport chair with seat for the more unsteady days and going out of the house. I have rt side disability, spasticity on both sides, muscle cramps & spasms, with drop foot to name a few. I make sure I do my seated exercises every day, even if I feel like comlete garbage! If you don’t it may be 2 steps back and 1 step forward instead of just 1 step forward 1 step back. I sure doesn’t take any time to get out of shape but a very long time to get back into it.
I was an extremely in shape athlete BMS ( before MS). My MS is frustrating ans very uncooperative. I have had many falls before I started using a rollatorr. I have my Uptown trolley (upstairs) and downtown trolley (downstairs). Even with it, I fell once. I have had to train myself to go slow. I am 60 & 15 years in so not a newby. According to many Dr.’s and professionals, 2 cane’s should never be used. The safer option is a rollator. If you think you need one, you definitely needed one awhile ago. I have 3. 2, 3 wheeled ones for upstairs and downstairs and small spaces then a 4 wheel rollatore/transport chair with seat for the more unsteady days and going out of the house. I have rt side disability, spasticity on both sides, muscle cramps & spasms, with drop foot to name a few. I make sure I do my seated exercises every day, even if I feel like comlete garbage! If you don’t it may be 2 steps back and 1 step forward instead of just 1 step forward 1 step back. I sure doesn’t take any time to get out of shape but a very long time to get back into it.