2019 Ultimate MS Gift Guide (and what to avoid)
It’s officially time to switch from PSLs to peppermint mochas, which means the gift-giving season is upon us; and if you’re wondering what to get the person who has everything wrong with them, my MS gift guide is here to help.
Yeah, but isn’t it the thought that counts?
Sure. If you’re lucky enough to have a loved one whose love language is quality time and acts of service, you don’t need this list. Empty the dishwasher and namaste.
But, if the object of your affection speaks the same superficial, materialistic lingity I do; has impossible standards; and reads way too much into every gift they’ve ever received, well, you’d best keep reading.
The importance of presents
Gifts are important because they show we appreciate and are grateful for the people in our lives. The best gifts are the ones where we feel seen, because they indicate that the giver knows us so well. Great gifts can strengthen relationships, while the wrong gifts can get us all bent out of shape as we wonder Do you even know me? Dad???
If you’re shopping for someone with MS you need the inside scoop on what to avoid, and what’s gonna earn you Best. Santa. Ever. Here are my top tips:
The fixer-upper gift
If your loved one has MS, there’s a good chance you wanna fix them. You may even believe you know what’s best for them. Gifts in this category include diet and natural healing books, memoirs about people killing it with MS, supplements, fitness trackers, exercise classes, and anecdotes about someone you know who knows someone who’s sister’s neighbour’s boss cured themselves of MS.
Why it’s bad
Normally I’d say that even a bad gift is better than no gift, but the gift of unsolicited advice is literally the worst. From the time we’re diagnosed, everyone has something to say about what we should be doing. (Your MS would be better if you lost weight, ate kale, took this drug, took no drugs, wore these crystals, went to church.) At best, you mean well, but these kinds of gifts can feel like passive-aggressive undercover douchebaggery.
What to get instead
Assume we know what’s best for our MS. Stay out of the vitamin aisle, and before you pick up books with words like ‘survival’ or ‘overcoming’ in the title, ask yourself if it’s a present or advice. Yoga mats and gym memberships are allowed if the recipient has asked for them. Instead of trying to cure MS (you can’t), there are lots of gifts that can have a real impact on symptoms:
Everyone’s MS is different, but fatigue is pretty universal. Give something that helps conserve energy, like a robot vacuum cleaner, or gift cards to a food delivery service. If you’re a baller, spring for a cleaning service, and you will be loved forever. Anyone with winter-related dysesthesia will appreciate these cozy heated booties by snookiz.com.
Sure, meditation is great, but this bracelet that lets you wear your mantra on your wrist, is better.
The experience gift
Thanks to Marie Kondo, we now know that stuff is bad. We’ve moved beyond the material and are ready to carpe the fuck out of every damn diem, because YOLO. Gifts in this category come in the form of a voucher and include things like rock-climbing adventures, laser-tag, line-dancing, whale-watching, weekends away, and wine-tastings.
Why it’s bad
The problem with experience gifts is that they require us to do stuff, and when you’re living that chronic illness life, doing stuff can be a drain. It requires planning and pacing, and the actual desire to do the thing we want to want to do. It might seem clear (heavy on the might) that a trail ride is too much for your person with weak legs, but so much of MS is invisible. If you wanna experience true panic, take a Tripper with a sketchy bladder to an escape room.
What to get instead
Gift certificates for things like massages, spa treatments, movies, high-tea, or your local comedy club provide experiences that allow for some flexibility and can be scheduled around energy levels and good days.
The DIY crafty gift
Gourmet meal kits are trendy af right now, and you can get do-it-yourself gifts for everything from building a birdhouse to making your own lip balm, even though lip balm literally costs a dollar and we’ve already perfected it.
Why it’s bad
If your MS’er is already into a hobby, then have at it, but don’t go giving us new shit to do. My interests include naps and not washing my hair. If I have to cook it, build it, or keep it alive, it’s not a gift, it’s an assignment; and you’re dead to me. Know that I will eat the sprinkles out of your cookie-making kit as I stare at the bag of flour wondering what I did to make you hate me.
What to get instead
Give something that says I encourage you to do nothing. I know it’s winter, and I support your decision to not go outside.
Karl Lagerfeld said, “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.” While it’s true the chronic illness uniform can be heavy on the leisure side of the athleisure lewk, it’s also true that Karl Lagerfeld is dead. He can’t hurt you anymore. Splurging on lounge wear is the ultimate gift because wearing fleece in the outside world is kinda the dream.
The mobility aid gift
Gifts in this category include canes, rollators, transport chairs, or anything remotely medical, like a shower stool, or a reaching tool, or the bucket I just bought to wash my feet in.
Why it’s bad
You guys know how I feel about boss mobility aids, but mobility aids are personal, and you should tread lightly.
When I was first diagnosed with MS, a couple of friends told me they’d considered buying me a cane for Christmas. I was in the relapsing remitting stage of MS and my wobbly gait was temporary, but that’s not the point. I hadn’t processed what was happening to me. I wasn’t emotionally ready to start using a mobility aid. Even if a device would have made me safer, that was a decision I needed to make on my own. If they had succeeded in foisting a cane on me, it wouldn’t have felt like a gift, but an indictment on how I was(n’t) looking after myself.
What to get instead
If your loved one is already using a mobility aid, go for it. We can never have too many beautiful canes to match all our outfits; and these days, a styling stick is a gift I’d love to receive. Cool canes abound at every price point, but I’m currently coveting the iconic Alexander McQueen skull cane, if anybody’s asking.
The trick with gifting mobility aids is to stay in your lane. If your Tripper is using a cane, don’t upgrade them to a rollator unless they’ve asked. Or consider gifting cash to throw towards a dream device. If there’s a wheelchair user in your life, check out the stunning accessories at Ffora a company that’s poised to be a game-changer in the accessible fashion industry.
The sick person present
Gifts in this category include tea, heating pads, a colouring book full of mandalas, a mug with cats on it. Maybe that neck massager from the “As Seen On TV” pop-up; basically anything you might find in a hospital gift shop.
Why it’s bad
Last year I wrote about the heating blanket that made me cry. This present came from The Banker; and if gifts help us define relationships, the message I received (shivering consumptive), was not the one I was trying to deliver (sexy glam wife). The thing is, not everything has to be about MS.
What to get instead
I can’t speak for everyone, but if you’re shopping for moi, look for something with sequins or glitter. Is it shiny or sparkly? If you’re more likely to find it at CVS than Sephora, put it down. I’m almost never not thinking about MS; gifts that remind me of other parts of me are always appreciated.
The charitable donation present
You wanna help, so you donate to a charity looking to cure or support MS.
Why it’s bad
I mean, it’s fine. I guess.
What to get instead
Please don’t stop donating to charities that fund MS research; however, contributing to the cause can come in more ways than one, and there’s nothing quite like a customized gift to let your loved one know you see them.
Artist and Fellow Tripper Lindsey Holcomb is flipping the switch on how we think about our MS. When I reflect on my black-and-bleak, damaged-and-diseased looking MRI’s, I feel a pit in my stomach and mild hostility toward my own body. Well, Lindsey is having none of that. Through a project she developed called #colorsofms, Lindsey is giving us a whole new option for how we contemplate MS by transforming MRI’s into stunning works of art.
Lindsey’s art project is on a massive scale with plans to have these images on view in public spaces like hospitals, clinics, and at global MS conferences. But you can commission Lindsey to have your loved one’s own MRI reimagined.
Check out Lindsey’s website and Insta.
Want more gifts for people with MS? Click for gift guides from 2018, 2020, and 2021!
Happy shopping and happy holidays! You got this.![]()
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Bahaha you’re the best. Karl is dead! I’m dying laughing ?
Choupette’s in charge now.
Getting MS inspired in Norway 🙂 Love your blogg! You help me to feel human 🙂
Thanks for reading!
I hope you’re getting a cut because I’ve already purchased two pair of slippers/socks from that heated slipper place. Great list!! 🙂
Ooh, lemme know if you like them. Unforch, I am still feeling le barf.
Thanks, Tripper, for sharing your list and thoughts on gift ideas. I must say you have a way of expressing our needs and wants that’s clearly on target. Keep up the good work. We need you.
Wishing you and yours a very Happy Holiday!
I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts!
Thank you for putting the funny into this not-so-funny disease.
Cheers, Ginger
I Love your style and I can relate sooo much. Thank you.
Such a perfect list! We aren’t hard to shop for! My sister suggested she was going to get me a shower chair. I suggested I was going to get her kid a puppy if she did that hahahahaha. Sephora. Glitter. Wine. Sassy shirts. Boom!
Thanks for this! Yes to everything that helps mitigate fatigue! Help with any soul sucking errands. Help with simple decisions (what do u want for dinner/to do/to go?) because these small decisions can be exhausting. Just make sure that what you decide is what I want but I’m too tired to figure out- no pressure!
Also my husband got an electric mattress pad so I can thaw out and stop shivering myself to sleep. I crank that thing so high I wake up medium-well.
Love this post, and I am now inspired on what to give my wonderful loved one with MS.
I so appreciate all of your posts and thank you from the bottom (and top and middle) of my heart.
I hav friends who run a Puzzle Escape Room. You bladder comment made me double over in laughter.
So well said, every category!! I Finally ordered the transport chair. I have been putting it off, but the other day when my husband and my young daughter wanted to go to the mall and just see the Christmas decorations and shop I had to pass. I do have a walker and a cane of course but I knew I couldn’t make it around the mall. I’m so excited for it to be delivered. I hope my husband is just as happy, once he sees the charge! I’m tired of missing out on things, I’m OK with someone pushing me around now. It’s taken a while to get to that point but it’s time. Thanks for the discount!
I hope the transport chair is a game-changer for you! It’s true these devices are so expensive, so I like to remind myself of what we spend on our cars. Transportation is not a nice-to-have. It’s essential.
Oh Ardra,
Thanks for the many, many laughs from this blog post. I’m seriously lucky to actually BE an acts of service and quality time weirdo on the love language scale. My receiving gifts score was a whopping zero… rofl. Having said that, recommending gifts for others is a challenge. Gifts stress me out. ?
Thank you for this great perspective.
Your blog is just what I needed! After 35 years, I have tired of being the always optimistic one, reminding myself that there are worse things. MS sucks. I would rather not have it.
But most of all you have shown me it is OK to walk with pride while using my cane! I could even walk with my head held high if I didn’t think I would trip on that crack in the sidewalk. I will be that woman walking with the cane who takes the time to look good while doing it. Thank you for your honest take on life.
I just read your fired up piece in Momentum. I’m so glad to discover your blog.
Hilarious! And so true – all of it.